Monday, December 27, 2010

The presents I left behind

This post contains poo-talk and a poo picture.  You have been warned.

So, Christmas came and went.  I managed to get most of my knitting done in time. Implied is the fact that I finished up a dishcloth at the foot of the tree (not pictured here).  It's a pity, since it was, I think, the nicest of the four that I made, including grafting instead of seaming.   The pattern was pretty decent to knit, although I find kitchen cotton to be rather unforgiving when weaving in the ends.  I tried to use materials I already had in my stash, rather than buy even more of the stuff.  Hence, these got wrapped separately.

Dad received the slippers originally intended for little sis.  I'll finish hers today.  I am in the process of writing up my version of the pattern, which let me knit it in the round, among other things.  I've been wearing my sample slippers, which are kinda fun and a good bit comfy.

And here's me being so very depraved witty.  My sister has long corrupted me with her potty humor, and I was at a loss for what to give her.  So I knitted a gag gift: a Christmas poo.  Or rather, it's a Christmas poo-poo-ri.  I stuffed it with coffee beans--rather tediously because I lacked a funnel--to give it a strong aroma; I figured my sister would not appreciate the typical flowery potpourri scents.  And besides, coffee beans look rather like little droppings.  The odor was indeed strong.
For the twisted and curious folks out there who would admire such a gift and wish to seek out the pattern, I improvised this on US 2 or 3 needles using what I think is Berrocco Ultra Alpaca yarn.  I think I started with I-cord, increased to about 22 sts, and used lots of short rows to make it bend.  I enjoyed asking people to guess what I was knitting, and I got worse answers than even what it was intended to be.  When it reached enough length, I turned it inside out, stuffed it with coffee beans, and knitted the decrease rounds until I could draw it closed.  I only had the final tail to fuss with, as the other end was left inside the poo.  (The beginning end is resting at the top in the picture.)  To help drive the joke home, I included a pack of wet wipes, which added a useful dimension to the gift.  I included chocolate covered espresso beans in her stocking as an edible supplement.  As a finishing touch, I included on the package a line from Weird Al's hilarious movie UHF, which is followed by the rather a propos exclamation, "What is this piece of crap!?!"

In an act of penance, I also gifted to big sis the dear, sheepy project that has haunted me of late.

On Christmas afternoon a few snowflakes drifted to the ground, which I promptly celebrated as being a "White Christmas."  I had no idea that today I would be shoveling over a foot's depth of snow.

Igor was very gracious to help me.  (Actually, I just haven't been able to get him off since he first latched on.  I'm becoming kinda fond of the little sucker.)  I recently heard someone who didn't know any better hating on the fish hat because she thinks it is kind-of silly.  Apparently, she hasn't taken into account my extraordinary fashion sense.

Like I said before, I know I have a promising future in modeling or fashion or both.  That's good, since I need some income to replace my poor car (R.I.P).  I got him after last year's third and final blizzard, and he died just in time to save me the trouble of digging him out this winter.

On a much happier note, registration for the Men's Spring Knitting Retreat is open!  Check out QueerJoe's blog for details.  I'm excited this year to be helping out a bit with the organizing of the retreat.  If anyone would like to donate to the retreat, it's a great opportunity to promote your unique products to a group of enthusiastic, if not somewhat overlooked, knitters.  And if you're considering attending, register soon; these events have a history of filling up to capacity.

I can't wait!


  1. Well I must say that is a very authentic looking pile-o-poo! ;D

  2. as usual when I read your posts... ahhaahhahahh :D

    I think your poo-poo-ri looks very authentic, slippers are terrific.. I want some ! for Igor, you wear him like no other ! :D

    Your fashion sense is perfectly fine !

  3. Did you end up blocking any of the washcloths? They came out looking really good - love the multi coloured ones - one with the striping yarn I see - the blue and green one, did you have many ends to weave in, or carried the yarn somehow?

  4. Love the poo-poo-ri! It's hysterical and I know just the friend who would love it! I'm sorry to hear about your car, I remember how excited you were when you got it. I hope a new comes along soon. Did you design the slippers? Very nice! I may want a pair of those myself.
    Happy New Year Will!

  5. As always, your posts leave me wiping tears of laughter from my eyes. The wash cloths are lovely and I agree with the nature of the cotton yarn. The slippers look cozy and I can't wait to see the pattern....No comment on the was fantastic!